The Circle of Life

A couple of girls I know have gone off to South Africa to study and work over the next couple of years. I have no idea why they would go, since they are more likely to get AIDS from a horny tribesman named Jumaji this Friday when they have one too many lemon drops at the local watering hole than gain scholastic accreditation from their endeavors. I mean shit, they are just sorority girls, and we all know what really matters to most of them.
If I moved to Africa I would be a poacher. I would be the guy that built a huge house in the middle of a tribal community and had baby elephant sandwiches for lunch. Come on in my African friends! Watch some DirecTv, smoke a joint, fuck a howler monkey if you so please, just don't stain the bear skin rug.
I would go out on exciting trips where my new friends and I would use sniper rifles to poach endangered species, local women, and of course, lions. Lions are the "king" of the jungle supposedly. I beg to differ. I incur that my semi-automatic M-16 is the reigning champ of this here plot 'o land, bitches. The only point of respect I have for lions other than the roar at the beginning of MGM films is that they have their bitches do the hunting for them. What a dope set up.
Even in the greatest country in the world husbands find themselves in the supermarket, baffled as to how they got there. Lions say fuck that, baby you bring me back an antelope entree with a side of hyena or I'll bite your fucking legs off. Respect. Just not enough not to pop a cap in his ass. Sorry Simba, the space next to the bigscreen is calling your name...Gosh I can't wait to go to Africa.