I recently finished up a round at a big industry conference where I balled out as an executive in charge of balling out. And as I sat by the pool one evening, watching a beautiful sunset over a nice glass of scotch, inwardly remarking about how great I really am, I realized that the person with whom I was drinking, had a blinking ear. Now of course, I had to stare. Is this some kind of bionic woman? Has she been sent here from the future to stop me from taking over the world? Because she's going to have a hell of a fight on her hands, let me tell you! But then I realized, now, she's not trying to kill me with laser beams from the eyes...she was wearing a bluetooth headset.
HA! "I'm no douchebag," I tell myself, "I'm way too cool to have one of those." But it made me think a little bit. When we see these devices strapped to one's ear, we often think, "Hey, that person is talking to themselves! They're crazy! Throw something at them quickly!" I mean, they're engaging in an action that would most commonly classify them as "a homeless crazy." But with the advent of these devices, we can't tell if they're crazy, or just a douchebag. And that really is crazy! How will we know who to throw things at and who to buy stocks from? It's madness!!!
But as I sipped my scotch, I put the topic of how great I was on the back burner for a second and reflected in (though not for too long, because lord knows what I'd find). Perhaps you don't just have to be crazy or a douchebag, but can be, in fact ONE CRAZY DOUCHEBAG! I felt enlightened! I mean, you can't just talk into thin air and not be crazy, and you can't wear one of these things and not be a douchebag. Therefore, you must own up to your new title. You are one crazy douchebag, and I salute you in your bold endeavors. Perhaps those of us who aren't douchebags and who are way too cool to have bluetooth headsets will one day follow in your bold footsteps. Good luck, you crazy douchebag, may someone one day, throw something nice your way.
1 comment:
Haha blinking ear...
I've always thought a funny sketch would be someone saying the most downright demeaning things he possibly could at a random girl on the street. She turns to say something to him and he's just turns his face with a smarmy grin like, "Oh, i'm just on my tooth" - raunchy phone sex like comments.
And then maybe some business man yelling racial slurs at a brother who turns and as he's about to get in the guys face - the business man turns and shows his bluetooth. They pound it out.
haha lame idea, just spitballing. it'd be like the mentos commercials.
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