Inconsiderate Parkers

You know what really burns my ass? Inconsiderate parkers. I'm not talking about one of our esteemed blog contributors (although, seriously dude, you need to start showering), I'm talking about assholes who think they own the street and can park wherever they want, taking up as many spaces as their ugly fucking car will permit.

Many of you want to know what I'm talking about. Well, when a person parks their car in a parallel spot where there are only so many spots available, it's very nice and very courteous for that person to pull up as close to the front of the space as possible. That way, people can park behind them and so on and so on. Inconsiderate parkers are big, fat jerk-offs who just pull their white Cadillacs up into the middle of the curb, taking up two spaces, so that nobody else can park. They're inconsiderate fuck faces.

Now you're saying to yourselves, "Hey Mike, have you gone off the deep end? Who cares about parking?" Rebuttal? Hey fuck you asshole. Maybe if you also lived in a major metropolitan city instead of some shit-hole in backwoods Pennsylvania (that's right, I said it), you'd know what I'm talking about. Let me bring this down to your level: Imagine you were on your way home to bang that ugly specimen that you call a woman waiting for you at your shack. You get to your street, and it's full. There's nowhere to park. Then you see a spot. You pull into it, finish your PBR and your third Big Mac, and get ready to go inside to see if your "woman" has decided to shower this week. You get out of the car and realize you're blocking a driveway. Why? How can this be? After all, you're in a spot! Then you see that the car in front of you could have pulled up an extra 5 feet, but decided instead to just park wherever he damn-well pleased, so that you couldn't park! Now you have to park 3 miles away because some demonic cock-sucker decided he was in too much of a rush (probably to go bang your girlfriend) to pull up a few feet!

These people are assholes. HUGE assholes. This shit needs to stop. If you don't start parking like a normal human being, and having a little more consideration for someone other than yourself, I'm going to go ape-shit. And I think we can all agree that that's not good for anyone.