After decades of marriage to Jelly, Peanut Butter was caught last week sandwiched between two pieces of bread with a newly ripened banana, local deli customers say. Jelly was infuriated by the ordeal, and looked lonely sitting in the refrigerator next to the sexually permiscuous Purple Stuff and Sunny D. Distraught by the news, Jelly assured this reporter that "he'll be back." It doesn't look like Peanut Butter will be spreading back into her arms anytime soon though, as he has just filed for divorce from the berry blend. Banana was not available for comment, but has been seen shopping in the bread isle with her new buttery spread for seven grain, whole wheat, and of course, white. Neighbors complain Banana is rarely wearing her protective peel, and listens to Gwen Stefani at much too high of a decible for comfort. "It's just so sad," said a local boy who has eaten the famed "P-B-and J" sandwich for the last three lunches. "My mom used to cut them diagonally, and now, well, I guess she still can." Known for fraternizing with milkshakes and ice-cream, this isn't the first marriage Banana has broken and it doesn't look like it will be the last. I guess that her shit is bananas, b.a.n.a.n.a.s.
2 comments:
I don't see how Jelly thinks it can take this high moral ground when it has also been seen with baguettes, butter, and cream cheese. Not to mention the fact that for years Jelly felt like it could just be a "single condiment" trying to get on with bread alone. High moral ground indeed! And furthermore, Peanut Butter's prancing around like the playboy of the western world is nothing new. After all, Peanut Butter has had a long history with not only banana, but lest we forget the countless times it has been seen with chocolate? Frankly, I think Jelly needs to get over its shit, go visit Mrs. Smuckers, and go home to Peanut Butter. I'm sure that there's a compromise to be had here...we just need to find it.
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